


really, actually, honestly

by AnneKatherine



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Band Break Up, Band Fic, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Celebrities, Disney, Disney Channel, F/F, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poverty, Reality TV, Slow Burn, americas got talent, child actor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:09:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16042979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneKatherine/pseuds/AnneKatherine
Summary: work hard play never, Bellamy thinks to himself, when he works to death and his mother watches.the blind leading the blind, Clarke thinks to herself, when she works herself to death and her mother smiles.





	1. Chapter 1

The sun hadn’t risen when Bellamy left that morning, and it barely peaked over the hills when he returned. The newspaper route he did everyday was exhausting and overall meaningless work, just because they’d hired a fifteen year old, didn’t mean they paid him like a fifteen year old. He only made $50 a week, less than what his other jobs make in a day.

His thoughts about it trailed off as he pulled into the parking lot, pushing his bike up against a side wall, and quickly locking it to a metal fence. 

He jogged up the stairs, and through the apartment complex, barely missing the stray cat that sleeps on the steps. His apartment was a disaster zone, but unfixable at the moment.

He navigated around clutter and mess, popping bread in the toaster oven, and pouring a glass of orange juice.

Then he turned his sights to the couch, where his mother lay, a smoldering cigarette in her hand burned the side table next to her, and the beer she’d been holding must’ve dropped when she fell asleep, covering the couch in bud lite. 

Bellamy nicked the cigarette, tossing it in the trash after putting it out, and picked Aurora up gingerly, careful not to wake her. Her and Octavia’s room was close to the couch, and when he set his mother down on her twin bed, and pulled the covers up, he turned to Octavia’s nearby cot. 

“O. Come on Octavia, get up.” He said quietly in her direction, eyeing his mom, “O, we’ll be late. I already made toast and it’s gonna burn.”

Her eyes peeled open lazily, and she threw off her covers abruptly, “You up?” he said, “Mhh” she replied, attempting to stand.

“I’m gonna need verbal confirmation.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, worrywort. I’m awake.”

He nodded, then walked to the bathroom next door, and grabbed aspirin, a water and a pen and pad of paper from the kitchen, placed it on his mother's cramped bedside table, with the note, “Wake up, work at noon. Can’t be late, they’ll fire you. B”

He finally went to his own room, formerly the laundry room till they realized three people couldn’t share a one person bedroom, and it’s not like they had a laundry machine. He pulled off his sweat soaked shirt, and swiped antibiotic on his paper cuts.

The only clean uniform shirt he had, was fairly wrinkled, as he’d been busy relearning seventh grade history with Octavia last night, and hadn’t hung it up. His outfit changed him in a way, the white collared shirt, and the long beige pants told a story about him that couldn’t have been less true. But the picture was broken, by the cuts on his hands, and face, his unruly hair, and wrinkled shirt that gave him away. 

He stared at himself too long, and accidentally set Octavia free in the apartment. Rushing around, he pulled on the final piece of the uniform, a thick grey sweater that was way too hot for the temperature right now, and told Octavia it was time to go. She was watching “Jacy Power: Secret Sorceress”, a show on Disney Channel. 

“C’mon O, turn that garbage off, we have to go.” He said, holding the door open for her.

“You said you didn’t mind Jacy Power!” She exclaimed,

“I said I didn’t hate her as much as I hate everyone else on Disney Channel. There’s a difference.”

“You’re the worst!” She said, throwing a sock at him as they went to the apartment across the hall.

Another girl who went to St. Francis’ Dilatato Corde Middle School lived in the building, and her mom had a car, so Octavia got a ride everyday. He told her he rode the bus, but the bus didn’t get anywhere near their house, so he rode his bike.

Unable to bear the sweater, he stuffed it in his backpack, before taking off down the road. It only took half an hour to get there, and it was a nice break for him everyday. 

The only reason Octavia and him weren’t in the public school in their region is because Bellamy found a catholic welfare program when he was in eighth grade, not wanting Octavia to have to go to the middle school, let alone the high school. 

The program eased a little of some rich family’s catholic guilt, and the school was very tight lipped about who was even in the program, but everyone knew. It was a little obvious who got dropped off in a stretch limo, and who biked every day. 

The school was cramped, the teachers weren’t unionized, and the kids were mostly assholes. Bellamy tried to stay invisible, he never picked a fight, he never missed a homework, he studied, and he wouldn’t touch alcohol. But that’s mainly the reason kids seemed to hate him.

He was a loner, bored, teachers pet, goody goody, prude, all his work to seem unhatable, backfired. They never outright bullied him, but remarks in the hall, or slapping things out of his hands, made his days a little more inconvenient than they had to be.

“Mr. Blake?” The teacher asked, “I asked you, what year did the Korean War start?”

He wasn’t blanking exactly, he knew the answer, but everyone's eyes were on him, and kids in the back snickered at him. “1950 ma’am.” he replied, keeping his eyes on her, she nodded in approval, and the kids in the back disappointedly leaned back, no show today. 

“Ma’am this and that, what a prick. He thinks he’s better than us, but he’s just halfie trailer trash.”

“I heard his mom works at the club down the street, y’know the one. The strip club? That’s where she met his dad and...”

It wasn’t true, his mom worked at a Michaels out of town, she’d never worked at a strip club, that he knew of, and he put together her resume every two weeks, so he’d know. 

It was true, he’d never met his dad, didn’t know his story, only knew he wasn’t white. He knew Octavia’s dad, decent guy, but scared easy, like when his girlfriend told him she was pregnant, then he wasn’t so decent. 

He told Octavia, that her dad was on a mission somewhere, as a spy, waiting to return. It’s the same story he told himself when he wondered where his dad was. He didn’t think she believed it anymore, but now she wanted to be an FBI agent, like her dad. That also backfired. 

School went by slowly but surely, and he hit the parking lot on his rusty bike quickly to get to work on time.

“Hey Blake!” he turned to see Roan, a big beefy football player. That’s a cliche. “Settle a bet for me? Jim here thinks your dad, is black, I think he was some shade of brown. I got ten bucks riding on this, OK?”

Bellamy turned back to his bike, not letting his face burn, or his mouth tense, fighting every instinct he had to punch Roan in the face.

“See Jim? I told you, he wouldn’t know. It’s not like he ever met the guy.”

Bellamy wanted to snap, he wanted to clock them both. But they were bigger and stronger, he was probably malnourished, and if he got into a fight, especially one initiated by himself, they’d throw him out of the program. They'd look into his house, find a drunk mother and a sister than might as well call him mom, and throw them both in foster care. So he pedaled away, slowly, biting his lip till he couldn’t hear their jeering.

His next job was a two hour shift at Dunkin Donuts, not bad to be honest, and they gave him free hot chocolate. He finished his homework on his break, and rode to the record store nearby.

He always got the closing shift, which meant cleaning the store by himself late at night. No one came in after seven pm, so he cued up the record player and pushed all the displays to the side before he started sweeping. Billy Joel’s “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me” was a favorite, and he belted out the song as he rhythmically swept. Octavia said he had a good voice, but he never did school drama productions. This was his after school activity.

As he sang, he forgot about worrying, about whether his mom went to work, or Octavia had a bad day, or seeing Roan tomorrow. He just sang. So loud in fact, he didn’t hear the bell chime, indicating a customer had entered.

Marcus Kane’s niece was having a birthday next week, and she was getting a record player from her parents, and odd gift if you ask him, but he was tasked with finding a few albums to give to her. 

The store he chose was in a seedy town in Massachusetts whose major attraction was a strip club. But it was near Boston, where he was holding auditions for America’s Got Talent this weekend, and he wouldn’t be recognized. 

As he neared, he saw a young boy, in a catholic school uniform, sweeping the floor, singing he assumed, but to his surprise as he entered the boy was a very very good singer.

“Excuse me.” Despite it’s polite tone, the words startled Bellamy, and he dropped his broom.

“Oh, sorry. People usually don’t come this late, can I help you with something.” He said, leaning the broom on the wall, turning off the record.

“This is going to sound strange, but I’m Marcus Kane.” he said, Bellamy shrugged, “I’m Bellamy Blake?”

“Marcus Kane, of America’s Got Talent?”

Bellamy nodded, he’d heard of the competition before, “Ok. Cool.”

“I think you should audition.” Marcus said,

“Me? Audition? I’m not actually good at singing, I think it’s Billy Joel you want to audition.”

Marcus crossed his arms, “In two weeks, I’ll be back in New York, the prime time auditions happen then, if you come now, we can get your pre audition done and you can make it in the next season.”

“New York? That’s really far away, and I’m taking care of my sister. I can’t leave her.”

“How old are you?” he asked

“Fifteen.” Bellamy replied uncertainty, but Marcus sighed, “Hire a babysitter or ask your parents to watch her, this is the chance of a lifetime.”

“I’m really sorry, but no. I can’t go to New York anytime soon, I have school and work and my sister.”

Marcus sighed, “We’re holding low budget auditions in Boston this weekend, take a day off work, bring the sister, you can’t turn this down.”

Bellamy sighed, “Watch me.” He picked up his broom and started sweeping, 

Marcus took a card from his wallet and set it on the checkout counter along with $50, on his way out he grabbed an album from the shelf.

“That’s only $20. You have change!” Bellamy called to him as he left,

“Keep it! Call me when you want to get out.” Marcus said back.

As he left, he pulled out his phone, “Yes Barb set aside 20 minutes for a B. Blake. No, I don’t have confirmation yet, but trust me, he’ll be there.”

Bellamy’s ride home seemed longer than usual, and it wasn’t serene or peaceful. He felt jumbled, like all his priorities had been shuffled around and he didn’t know what to do next. 

He couldn’t actually be thinking about going? His mother would kill him, it wasn’t fair to Octavia. So he’d decided, he wouldn’t call Marcus. But he tucked the business card in his pocket anyways.

The door to his apartment wasn’t locked, and he entered slowly, not quite sure what scene he’d find.

Octavia sat at the table, with a textbook and ruffled papers, she looked up and relief spread across her face, “Oh thank god Bell, I’m so lost here!” 

He smiled, and sat down next to her, “I promise I’ll help, but where’s mom? I need to tell her something.”

“Oh, mom’s not home yet,” she looked down at her worksheet, not noticing the color drain from Bellamy’s face.

“O, work on this for another few minutes ok? I’m just gonna check on mom.” She groaned, and he whipped out his cell phone.

“Hey mom it’s me. Where are you? Did you go to work? Octavia’s been home alone for hours with the door unlocked, anything could’ve happened. I can’t believe- I can’t… Call me? Ok?”

He called three times after leaving a message, and was about to give up when his mother stumbled through the doors.

“Mom?” He said concerned, “What’s wrong.”

She smiled a toothy grin, “I quit.” She wrapped her arms around him, “I quit.”

He stood there a moment, frozen. “You. What?”  
“You know I hated that job, so I finally got up some courage and quit.”

“How late did you show up mom?” Bellamy said, stepping away to look her in the eye,

“I got there around three, and you know as usual they were nasty and disrespectful to me. All day.” She said, swaying

“Mom, your shift started at noon. How drunk were you?”

“I had a few before I left, no big deal. I wasn't drunk, just buzzed. They never liked me.”

“Mom. This is important. Did they fire you or did you quit?”

“I told you. I quit.”

Bellamy buried his face in his hands, “Oh my god mom. Oh my god.”

“Oh don’t give me that. I won’t be disrespected in my own home. You can’t talk to me like that.”

“Mom, this isn’t our home, we rent this shoe box. I rent this shoe box.”

“Oh, you think I didn’t notice all the extra hours you’ve picked up on your little jobs?” She crosses her arms, her tone is mocking, “You don’t know what it’s like out there. You don’t know what it’s like being an adult.”

“I’ve known what it’s like being an adult since I was ten years old when you stopped being one!” He finally snaps, “We can’t pay for this place with all my earnings, it’s either live here or eat. Oh my god mom. You need a new job.”

“I don’t wanna work. I’ve worked enough.” She said, sitting on the couch

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed, he couldn’t argue with her like this, drunk and probably high, she was at her least lucid. They’d make rent this week with Marcus’s tip, but next week would be a new battle. “ I need to go. I’ve gotta go.”

He hurries to the roof of the apartment complex, slowly pulls out the business card and his phone. 

“Hi. This is Bellamy Blake. I’m calling for Marcus Kane?”


	2. Chapter 2

It’s been a long time since Bellamy was so nervous that he was shaking and eyeing the bathroom in case he threw up. A few years ago, his mom dated a total psycho, who made him sleep with one eye open, but till now he’d usually maintained a cool collected demeanor.

It felt like everyone else had gotten some instructions or rehearsal of some sort, that he hadn’t. All the other contestants, stood still, smiling, took their interviews with ease and watched their competitors go without batting an eye.

Bellamy on the other hand couldn’t hold a pen right now, let alone sign the forms required. He did his best to keep an eye on Octavia, who for the first time didn’t ask many questions about where they were going, and just worked on homework while they waited. 

“Mr. Blake, you’re next.” An assistant finally called him, he glanced at Octavia, who was still wrapped up in her reading book, so he followed him without a word.

He was put in a small line, full of people who looked a little more nervous. Finally.

Slowly they went through the door, that must’ve led to the stage, and all Bellamy could hear was applause, or boos or worst of all, silence. Suddenly he was at the front of the line, and the exit applause were being cued for the previous contestant. He stood frozen a moment, before a tech pushed him forward and he nearly tripped through the door.

He was only on the wing of the stage, and he was already overwhelmed. It seemed big enough to hold everyone who lived in his apartment building, and the seats that looked onto the stage were even bigger.

It happened so fast, he didn’t even realize that he shuffled to the giant X in the middle of the stage. He peered out, but big lights blocked most of his view. As far as he could tell, not all the seats were filled, only the first ten rows or so. 

“Hi,” a sunny woman said from the judges booth, “What’s your name?” 

“Um, Bellamy,” he mentally chided himself for forgetting his own name momentarily,

“Did you bring anyone with you today?” 

“Just my little sister,” he replied, “I don’t think she knows where we are.”

The audience chuckles, and the woman waves him on, not even asking what he’ll be performing. He makes eye contact with Marcus momentarily, and even though the older man doesn’t say anything, he nods slightly. 

Bellamy closes his eyes, and waits for the background music to start, and for his cue to come up, and when it does, he just sings. He hardly opens his eyes at all, just holding on to the mic tight as he can so it doesn’t slip through his sweaty fingers. 

His voice sounds clear and full, and for the first time he actually hears himself, and to honest, he’s really good. Like really good.

All those times he’d been singing to distract himself, from his mother, or his shitty jobs, or to himself in his head when he’d hum a nursery rhyme to keep him from socking someone in the face. 

The audience didn’t react at first, and between his perpetual squinting and the blinding stage lights, all he could make out were general sways of the first few stands. He finishes his song, and for a moment he couldn’t look up from his feet. The crowd was silent, so were the panel of judges. His face burned, he knew he shouldn’t have done this.

“That, was fantastic.” He shot his head up, Marcus was standing behind the desk, clapping slowly, “Absolutely fantastic.”

The other judges followed, the audience reacted, and without Bellamy even noticing, they voted him onto the next round, he was rushed off the stage and told to finish his paperwork before the next shooting.

“Bell?” Octavia called from the same spot, “Where’d you go?” 

“I just finished up, but I have to leave again in a few, are you good? Still got more homework to do?” He asked, eyeing the overflowing book bag she’d brought with her,

“I always have more homework to do. What exactly are you doing though?” She asked, looking around. No other contestants were nearby, she couldn’t quite figure it out.

“It’s not important, I promise I won’t be long, just stay here. Ok, O?”

She nodded, and reshuffled her papers, before starting back on her notes.

He was sent into another shorter line this time, and had only waited a minute, before he got a tap on the back from an assistant.

“Come with me.” the girl asked, and she turned on her heel in the other direction.

He followed, asking her questions she ignored, “Where are we going? What do you want?” She silently lead him till they arrived at a large black door, “Inside.”

He peeked inside, and saw Marcus and the happy woman from the judges table.

“Bellamy.” Marcus said

“Hi. Is something wrong?” Bellamy asked, looking around the small room.

“Not at all. We just wanted to give you a very important opportunity. You’re an even better singer than I remember, and I think if you go with our idea, you’ll have a better shot at winning this thing.”

“What’s your idea?” Bellamy asked, the woman stepped forward, 

“Mr. Blake. This year we’ve had a surge of talented young men audition, maybe a little too early for their own good. Unlike yourself, alone, they’ve no chance of winning or even getting past round 3.”

“So what? You want me to help them?”

Marcus chuckled, “We’ve already talked to some excellent candidates, but if you join, it’ll be a guaranteed success.”

“What exactly is this project you’re talking about?” Bellamy asked, 

“A boy band, formed by young men who didn’t make it through the first few elimination rounds, who come together. Boy bands historically, are a huge success, but we need 5 talented men, and so far we have 4.”

Bellamy considered this a moment. He have a better chance of winning in a band, and even if he didn’t win, they could still be successful. Working with others had never been his strong suit, but he needed this, he needed to succeed, or he wouldn’t have an apartment for very long.

“OK.” Bellamy said,

“OK?” Marcus asked,

“OK, I’ll do it.”

The woman clapped her hands together, “Alright, let’s film your elimination, and you can come back next week to meet the band.”

“Diana, most of them are here already, shouldn’t we just do it now.”

“Marcus, you have no sense of suspense. Please let me do my work.” She turned to Bellamy, 

“Follow me, we have a few other candidates being eliminated right now, but don’t say anything about the band, because you’re the only one here who knows about it.”

Bellamy followed her stiffly, and couldn’t help but feel like he was moving backwards.

The elimination was sad, they read off names of those who didn’t make it, and Bellamy knew he was added to the list last minute when they read it last. It was a shock, everyone around him gave him half sorry’s, but he knew they were secretly pleased. If he couldn’t get through then they he wasn’t better than them. 

He goes home, not getting to talk to anyone and not hearing back from Marcus or any of the executives about when his audition will be aired. He’s already dreading it, because of course they won’t reveal that he’s going to be in a band, all he can do is pray no one from his school sees it.

They do. It aired two weeks later, a few days after he gets sent his contract. A few hundred dollars a performance, excluding his original audition. He’s supposed to get his mom to sign, but she’s been gone for days, and it explicitly states to return the papers immediately, so he forges it and sends it back. He would’ve waited if he knew they’d air the episode right after.

He can’t watch much of it without feeling sick. He looks so uncoordinated and clunky walking on, and nearly tripped on his way out. During his song, his eyes are squeezed shut, like a loser, and he thinks he even swayed a little. Octavia keeps watching it over and over, “How could you not tell me! How did I not know!” She cries, pissed off from being kept in the dark. But he wasn’t dreading her reaction, it was everyone else he was worried about.

“Blake!” He was so close to sneaking out of the parking lot on his bike. So close to ignoring looks and glances from students and teachers alike. He’d dropped his only class with Roan and his friends today, and Thanksgiving break marked the end of his time at this high school for the foreseeable future.

But Roan pulled up in front of him, blocking his exit, in his red pickup. “I liked your little song. Didn’t know you liked to dance and sing Blakey. What? Didn’t think you were gay enough yet?”

Bellamy ground his teeth, he was on his last nerve, but he gripped the handles of his bike instead, staying silent.

“Nothing to say? Lost your voice?” Roan taunted, “I’m glad those judges had the right idea, not letting you carry on. I guess everyone else can see what a loser you are too.”

He furrowed his brow, and looked around for an escape, before pushing his bike around and going towards the other exit. Roan and his friends laugh and follow him, no doubt trying to block his next escape, but he pops a u-turn at the last second, and it’s too late for Roan to turn his big truck around. Bellamy coasts out the original exit, and doesn’t look behind him as Roan calls out threats.

Octavia is sitting on the front steps of their apartment, her cheeks are wet and her eyes are bloodshot.

“O?” Bellamy calls out, “Octavia, what’s wrong?”

She sniffles, “Nothing. You should start practicing for tomorrow.”

“Practicing? For tomorrow?” Bellamy asks, setting his bike against the building and starting up the stairs.

“You’re meeting the rest of the band tomorrow, right?”

Bellamy nods, “Well, you gotta get warmed up, you’ll have to sing probably.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “So you’re my manager now?”

“Haha, no. I’m just someone invested in your success.”

They stay up too late, Octavia reading off things to avoid before singing, and purging the house of chocolate and orange juice. Bellamy sings every song he knows, from lullabies to rock anthems. They fall asleep on their mom’s bed, it being the biggest in the apartment, and not currently in use.

“Bell? Bell!” Octavia shakes him some more, “You’ll be late!”

She points at the clock, it reads 6am. “I have two hours to get there!”

“You’ll be late to being early!” He sighs, defeated and changes into a sweater and jeans, “That’s what you’re wearing?” Octavia asks, Bellamy shrugs.

“Wait here.” she said, before pacing out the door towards the kitchen, returning with a large bag in her hand, “I went shopping the other day, got you some shirts-”

“O, you shouldn’t have! Where did you find the money?” He said, looking at the shirts his sister had gotten, they looked expensive, but very nice, much better than what he’d planned to wear.

“You’re not the only one who can work odd jobs Bell.” She said, “If you hurry up and get changed, maybe I’ll let you pay me back some day. And wear the dress pants you got last year, I’ll fix the ankles if they’re too short.”

He couldn’t help but grin as he changed, it was still dark out, but just barely, and he could see himself in the reflection. He looked different. Having quit two of his jobs, now he spent the time to brush his unruly hair, and keep his shirt straight and unwrinkled.

“Bell! We’ll be late!” Octavia shocked him out of his daydream, and he quickly finished up dressing, she was right. They’d miss their train.

The ride to the studio was long and silent. Bellamy got a few looks, he’s not sure what they meant, but every so often Octavia would reach out and squeeze his hand in reassurance. 

They walked quickly despite being early, and found the studio with ease. Even though America’s Got Talent was in it’s peak media season, the studio was hidden in plain sight between a few other similar storefronts and a mom and pop bakery. There were no paparazzi out front, much to Octavia’s disappointment, so they ducked in unnoticed.

The reception desk was small, and manned by one old woman, whose name tag read Lora. “Hi, I’m Bellamy Blake. I have an appointment with Marcus Kane.”

Without looking up, Lora pointed them down the nearest hallway, “Last door on your left. Good luck.” She returned to typing without another word.

Bellamy nodded, refraining from taking a big gulp and went down the hallway with Octavia in tow. The last door on his left looked downright intimidating, he didn’t want to open it, but Octavia stood beside him, rolling her eyes, “If you don’t do it, I will big brother.” He nodded, before entering the room.

Inside sat more people than he was expecting. A small Asian family, made up of two older parents and their son, a lanky kid standing nearby them, who seemed to have been talking to them before Bellamy showed up, a somewhat angry looking boy, sitting in the back on a pile of chairs, and Marcus Kane at the front on his phone, looking up at him surprised.

“Bellamy! You’re early, we’d hoped the rest of the band would be here to greet you, but we’re missing one.

“Collins’ has never been on time in his life, $10 says he’s late again.” The kid in the back says.

“Murphy, why don’t you start off the introductions then,”

He rolls his eyes, and jumps off the chairs, “John Murphy. Hi.” He waves half heartedly, but his eyes are untrusting.

“I’m Monty. Green. Hi.” Monty’s smile is wide and genuine, the kid beside him looks equally excited, “Jasper Jordan. Hey.” he introduces himself.

The room is silent a moment, before Bellamy realizes it’s his turn, “Bellamy Blake.”

“And we’re missing Finn Collins, the second last addition to this band. We can’t start till he arrives though, so why don’t you all mingle while we wait for-”

The door bangs open suddenly, and the human embodiment of grease walks right in. Everyone looks at him a moment, but he’s silent. “Mr. Collins.” Marcus says, “You’re late.”

Finn shrugs, “So? I’m here.”

“That’s not the point, everyone else managed-”

Bellamy interrupts, “What exactly are we supposed to start? I mean now that everyone’s here.”

Marcus looks at Bellamy, “Yes, we need to name the band. I’ve had the marketing team work on ideas, but I’ve been advised to leave it ultimately up to you all. So all family members please join me outside, it shouldn’t take too long.”

But it does. The marketing team doesn’t seem to know the band is made up of teenage boys, not powerpuff’s, only Finn seems to like names like, “Secret Escape”, “Kings of Earth” or Bellamy’s personal favorite, “Flower Boys’ ”.

“Maybe we should go crazy like “Wild Child”, or something cool like that.” Monty suggests, 

“That’s stupid.” Finn says lazily, picking at his shoelaces, “Yeah alright flower boy,” Bellamy remarks.

“Hey, I don’t see you coming up with anything,” Finn says, finally looking up from his shoes, 

“We’re all stuck here till we come up with a decent name, so why don’t we all stop acting like idiots.”

“You’re the only one acting like an idiot.” Murphy says, having remained silent till then, everyone snaps to him, still standing in the back.

“Jeez, that really hurt, Murph. Why don’t you let the people who aren’t batshit crazy talk.” Finn retorts

“I’m trying, but you won’t shut up.” Murphy replies

Finn stands up suddenly, “I don’t wanna fight you man, but I will. Go ahead and prove what everyone already thinks! That you’re some crazy talent-less delinquent, who’s on a fast track to jail or rehab! Alright-”

“Wait.” Bellamy said, “Delinquents.”

Monty looked at him with wide eyes, “Delinquents.”

“What do you mean? Delinquents? That’s a shitty band name.” Finn said, but Murphy nodded in agreement, “Delinquents is good. I like it. I’ve always wanted a band named after me.” 

Bellamy knocks on the door, and an assistant opens, she looks disheveled, “You’re done? Took you guys long enough.” she said, “Let me go get Kane, he and your families left an hour ago.”

“An hour ago?” Murphy said, “How long have we been in here?” 

“3 hours, this band name better be good.” She exhaled, and went to get Marcus

Bellamy looked around at his band mates, “Well, that ends the first official meeting of the Delinquents.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bellamy’s sweating absolute bullets, he stands on the biggest stage he’s ever seen, a microphone tucked in his back pockets. And he’s holding hands with two people he’s only known for a few months. 

On his left Monty squeezes his hand in reassurance, before looking towards Jasper, and on his right, Murphy just grips him tightly like they’ll lose if he let’s go.

The camera’s are finally back from the break and the announcer cues up to read the winner of the competition, “Ladies and gentlemen! Are you ready to find out the winner you voted for?” He calls out to the crowd, who breaks into frenzied cheers. 

He can’t help but feel a sense of camaraderie with his bandmates, even Finn. They weren’t always so close, they didn’t quite fit at first.  
_ _ _

They walked silently to their dressing room after their latest performance. They barely squeaked by to the next round, and Bellamy could already see a bitch expression forming on Finn’s face.

“That was terrible. It’s a miracle we’re still here.” Finn whined as he sank into the leather couch in their room.

“It wasn’t that bad. I mean we did get to move on. Don’t beat yourself up Finn.” Monty offered, pouring himself some cereal,

“Beat myself up? Who said it was my fault? I was talking more about Murphy and Jasper. You guys are the ones who fucked it up. Jasper? Can you try not to go through puberty while performing next time?” Finn grunts, and Monty has to rest a hand on Jasper’s shoulder to keep him from hitting Finn in the arm.

“Collins, you’ve had more voice cracks on stage than the rest of us combined, so why don’t you shut it.” Murphy sighs as he goes into his room, before Finn can even respond.

Finn grumbles a wordless retort, and curls over the couch, away from them. Bellamy shoots Murphy a look, and he rolls his eyes. This is going to be a long competition.  
_ _ _

Bellamy could feel sweat running down his back. He’d need to find a new shirt after this. The announcer seemed to be putting this off as long as possible, thanking everyone for their donations and thanking the artists for their hard work. Finally he pulled out the envelope, and broke out into a grin. “It’s the Delinquents!”

He’s misheard. Murphy’s hugging him and he seems to be bouncing on his feet, but he must’ve misheard. The crowds in front of him are enormous, much bigger than his audition or any audience before. He finally sinks into the news, and his ears are ringing.

They pull him off the stage, and assistants brush confetti off him, Finn and Monty are next to him covered in confetti too. Murphy and Jasper must’ve been dragged off to the other side.

“Yes. Yes. No. Yes, of course.” He sees Anya, their new manager pacing towards them on the phone. When she sees him she breaks out into a rare smile. “Congrats Bellamy. I knew you could do it.” She snaps the phone shut and orders the assistants away.

“We’re heading to your hotel now, your families are already on their way.”

“Are Monty and I sharing a room like we requested?” Jasper says, coming from around the back of the stage finally, Finn in tow looking considerably less bitchy than usual.

“No Jasper, you all have your own rooms, but they’re all in a row, so you two can visit and stay with each other if you so choose.” She rolled her eyes towards Bellamy but he could only smile back at her, he was still bouncing on his feet. She rambled off more arrangements, what they were doing tomorrow, and next week, and for the next 5 years. She seemed to have planned out their careers during the commercial break. 

“You’ll have to give an interview, separately, then together. Don’t be bitchy, I’m looking at you Collins.”

Finn didn’t even look up, he was so preoccupied on his phone, Anya huffed a breath of annoyance and carried on, they all followed her as she continued down the hallway.

The interviews were short and sweet, everyone wanted to know if they band would stay together; of course, what he’d do with his cut of the money; send Octavia to college, what his plans for the night were; sleep for the next two months. Together they did one clip just filled with thank you’s, to their fans, the judges, and people Bellamy had never heard of before. 

It was an hour or so before Anya piled them into a van and sent them off to a new hotel. She assured them their stuff had been packed from the last one, but paparazzi had figured out where they were staying, so they moved everything that afternoon. Bellamy didn’t even look up as he shuffled out of the car, towards the big hotel, even when the flash of the camera nearly blinded him. 

He knew what was going on around him, Finn grinned at the camera’s with an award winning smile, Jasper and Monty waved a little, maybe smiled a little too, and Murphy took indifference to the next level actively grimacing at the flashes of light.

Bellamy was showed to his room along with the rest of the band, and all in a row were the five rooms they were staying in. 

“There’s a door in the corner, it’ll lead to the room next door so you all can visit. Celebrate and what not.” The doorman said, he seemed like a nice guy, and Bellamy handed him a $20 tip. 

Finn raised an eyebrow, “What was that for? All he did was tell us where our rooms are.”

Bellamy smiled, “Yeah, but he had to deal with you for a whole 5 minutes, I wish I was getting paid for it.” Finn ignored him for the first time, and paced into his room at the end of the row. 

Next to him was Monty then Jasper, then Murphy then Bellamy. 

He said goodnight to all of them, and entered his own room. The whole room was covered in sleek white furniture and appliances. He had a kitchen, and living room all filled with things he’d never had before. In the middle of a fat couch sat a very small looking Octavia. 

“Bell!” She cried when she saw him, she scooched off the couch and ran to him, before he knew it she was hugging him tightly. 

“O? O!” He said, still in shock from the night, he listened to her babble for a minute, “I knew you’d win! I knew it! Wait till Marjorie hears!”

“Octavia. Where’s mom?” He said, he’d barely convinced her to come to the show, and she’d only been to one other before. She said she didn’t like how loud it was and she couldn’t really see him, so the view from their TV was better anyways.

Octavia’s face fell just a little, “You know she hates this fancy stuff. She’s at home, she left early, before they announced the winner, and she called a little while ago to tell me to tell you congrats. So congrats.” She smiled half heartedly, but Bellamy didn’t want his own disappointment to get her down.

“Let’s make cookies.” He said, and she only responded by running to the kitchen.

They spent about two hours ‘making cookies’ but they only ended up with about 10, because Octavia ate all the dough. She was visibly tired, but she wanted to stay. “I’m fine. My rooms right across the hall. I can go any time I want.” But her sentences slurred just a little, so Bellamy sent her off to bed. He still couldn’t wrap his head around having two whole bedrooms to sleep in, plus a kitchen and personal bathrooms. He didn’t believe it.

He turned in a while after, but couldn’t sleep. So he sat in front of the TV and watched the news. The soft knock on his door startles him, but he recovers and opens it.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Murphy says in the doorframe, “The wonder twins next door talk too loud.”

Bellamy smiles, “Come on in.” 

Murphy trails in silently, and they sit next to each other on the bed with the TV on mute for a moment. “How’d you know I was up?” Bellamy asks

“I heard the TV. Who was with you earlier?” The question is open ended, and unassuming. He’s asking if Octavia’s around, or his mom is here, or if his girlfriend was visiting.

“My sister. Octavia. We made cookies.” Murphy looks towards the kitchen for a second, “I’d offer you one, but they’re pretty questionable.”

Murphy smiled, “No one’s here for me.”

Bellamy blinked, unsure how to respond but Murphy beat him to the punch, “I’m not saying so you’ll feel sorry for me. Just letting you know.” The statement is just as open ended as the first question.

Without Bellamy noticing, their faces had gotten closer. The TV seemed a lot farther away than it had before, and it seemed to be muted. Or maybe Bellamy just wasn’t paying attention. 

Murphy looked a lot different right now. He let his hair fall loosely to the side, while usually a team of stylists followed him around fixing it back. Bellamy remembered them all laughing at the advertisement photos of themselves. They all looked weird and fake, Murphy most of all. He grimaced at just about everyone around him, unless he was performing, but now his mouth quirked up a little, some might even call it a smile.

Bellamy stared at Murphy for a while, but Murphy said nothing and stared right back, his smile growing by the second. Bellamy didn’t even realize he was smiling too. 

Then suddenly, he closed the distance. Bellamy jumped back surprised and Murphy leapt off the bed, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I just thought- don’t tell anyone, ok? Just don’t tell anyone.” Murphy stuttered, his eyes bugged out of his head, and he anxiously ran his hand through his hair, messing it up even more. Bellamy realized Murphy didn’t look different, he looked hotter. 

“No it’s fine. You just surprised me is all.” Bellamy said, slowly sitting back down on the bed, and pausing a moment for Murphy to join him.

“I just… surprised you?” Murphy said, 

“Yeah. I just wasn’t expecting it is all.” Bellamy replied, and looked at the empty space Murphy used to be sitting in meaningfully. Murphy finally sat back down next to him.

“Yeah, I was distracted, I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“I’m very confused. We were just staring at each other for like, 2 minutes. What were you thinking about?” Murphy asked incredulously,

“Well, I thought you looked different from usual.” Bellamy said, then continued, “Better.”

“Better?” Murphy said, almost bashfully,

“Yeah. I mean sure, you look great when you’ve been styled up and photo shopped to death and are being followed around by a team of professionals,” he said “but right now you look sort of genuine. Like your hair, and your eyes.”

“So you weren’t freaked out by me kissing you?” Murphy said,

“No.” Bellamy said uncertaintly. He wasn’t freaked out by it. In Fact in a few more moments he might’ve done it himself. But he wasn’t sure if Murphy wanted to continue or if he’d ruined the moment entirely, “I mean I get it if I ruined it. I’m sorry if I did.”

Murphy laughed, “You didn’t ruin anything.” he leaned in slowly this time, a smirk on his lips and a playful tilt of the head so Bellamy could see his eyes clearly through his hair, he let Bellamy close in and kiss him. 

They don’t talk much, only important things like, “Are you sure?” and “Yeah, I’m sure.” Or where the hotel staff discreetly placed condoms in the drawers, in case of a situation just like this. 

It’s romantic in a weird way that Bellamy didn’t expect, because he knows Murphy isn’t his soulmate, but he’s the closest thing he’d got at the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

Bellamy doesn’t wake up slowly, even though no alarm goes off, and he’s not late for work, but a muscly arm is draped across his naked torso, and it’s alarm enough. He doesn’t shoot out of bed or anything, but he does jolt a little in surprise, before he remembers last night. 

Murphy, awoken by Bellamy’s momentary freak out, sighed and sits up in bed, he looks back to Bellamy. “You alright?” He says,

“Yeah.” Bellamy replies, quickly throwing his legs over the side of the bed and searching for his pants or underwear on the floor without having to get up buck naked. 

“So, we’re not going to talk about it?” Murphy says slowly, still sitting calmly in the covers.

“What’s there to talk about?” Bellamy says, finally locating his jeans and snatching them quickly, then trying to figure out how to put them on.

“I mean we had sex. So there’s that to talk about.”

“People have sex all the time, it doesn’t have to be a big deal,” Bellamy says, 

“Well, I have some questions.” Murphy replies,

“Ok fine.” Bellamy sits back in the bed, unable put on his jeans, “Shoot.”

“So are you gay?” Murphy asks, “Cause I’m not.”

“You sure about that?” Bellamy says sarcastically,

“Yes! I’ve had sex with a girl, and I did some stuff with a guy but never that far. I like both, I guess. So what about you?”

“I don’t really know. I never had time for relationships, and it’s not like anyone was breaking down my door, so I just never did much of anything.”

“So that was your first time?” Murphy said,

“Yeah, I guess. With a guy anyways.” Bellamy said,

“Um, no. With anyone. You’re not a virgin anymore, which means I took your virginity.”

“My gay virginity.” Bellamy huffs, “I think I have a straight virginity too.”

“So you don’t want to like, date or anything?” Murphy said, “Cause I’m not really looking for that right now.”  
“Me neither,” Bellamy replied, “But I’m down to do that again. If you want.”

“Yeah. Stress relief and shit.” Bellamy nods, and Murphy leans down to kiss him when they hear a sharp click and both snap their attention to the door. It’s blocked off by a wall so Murphy silently leans towards the door to see if anyone came in, “No one’s there. Maybe it was a lost cleaning lady.”

“Yeah probably.” Bellamy shrugs, and finally just stands up and puts on his jeans, without making eye contact. Murphy snickers to himself, but starts putting on his own clothes.

“I should get back before they noticed Jasper and Monty weren’t the only ones who had a sleepover.”

Bellamy can’t help but laugh, “Yeah, it’d be a nightmare if this got out.”

Murphy smiles as he walks into his room, and Bellamy changes into new clothes, before walking to Octavia’s room to suggest they get breakfast.

 

_ _ _

Finn Collins stood in the hallway dumbstruck. He’d been tasked to find Blake and give him the new sheet music, but had gotten a glimpse of someone in his bed. Upon further investigation, he realized it was Murphy!

He’d always disliked those two. They were bratty and stuck up and seemed to hate him right back. Finally he had the upper hand, having snapped a picture or two on his phone before he raced out of the room. He’d have to hold on to these for later, because he had a feeling this was going to be good.


	5. Chapter 5

Bellamy ruffled the papers in his hands one more time, if only for dramatic effect, but he knows it was over. He’d lost. “Please?” He tried again, “Just hear me out.”

“No Bellamy. I said no.” Anya replied half heartedly, “We have writers for a reason. Let them do their job.”

“But they’ve been churning out the same top 40s garbage for the past 4 years.”

“That top 40s garbage,” Anya countered, “has made you guys the hottest boy band ever to grace the earth. You are literally on top of the world Bellamy, what else do you want?”

“I just want to sing my own song. I’ve been working on it for a while, I think it could really go somewhere.”

“You’re my favorite Bellamy. That’s no secret, why don’t you keep it that way?” Anya said, ending the conversation. Bellamy turned on his heel, and threw his paper in the trash on his way out, slamming the door for good measure. Not his most mature moment, but he was practically seeing red. 

The show was started soon anyways, he could work of his anger on stage, he thought to himself, but then he saw Murphy turning the corner and thought another way to blow off some steam.

“Come with me,” he said, grabbing Murphy’s wrist loosely, “I need you.”

Murphy laughed, “Wow, been a while.”

“Yeah, well it’s been a rough day.” Bellamy grumbled as he checked the closet he’d found for janitors, “We only have an hour or so, so make it quick.”

“I’ll try not to be offended,” Murphy said, but leaning it to kiss him anyway. It was rougher than usual, last time was about a year ago and it was more of a goodbye. This was angry, and energetic, but it certainly wasn’t gentle. 

Bellamy’s shirt had just come off, and Murphy trailed down his stomach with his mouth, when the door flung open and light trailed into the dark closet. They both turned sharply, their eyes were probably the size of saucers. A petite blonde girl stood in the doorway, her eyes were watery and red, and she looked just as surprised as they did.

Shit. They’ve been found out. She mumbles a quick sorry, tears running down her face, and runs away, and Bellamy doesn’t get his shirt on quick enough to chase her.   
“I’m sorry.” He says to Murphy,

“Sorry? I can’t believe this!” Murphy exclaims, “She’s gonna tell everyone she knows she saw Bellamy Blake and John Murphy fucking in a supply closet! It’s gonna be across every goddamn magazine!”

“Murphy.” Bellamy said, “Calm down, it’ll be alright.”

“No it won’t.” Murphy says, “I shouldn’t let you keep doing this.”

Bellamy can’t even ask what he means before he storms off. “Don’t worry Murphy. I’ll fix this.


	6. Chapter 6

Bellamy hasn’t so much as look in Finn direction in 6 months, so he isn’t quite caught up with the drama he’s surrounded himself in. It doesn’t surprise him though. 

“Ok, wait wait,” Bellamy says, “He’s dating Clarke Griffin?”

“No!” Octavia clarifies, “He’s dating Raven Reyes, he convinced Clarke Griffin the relationship was fake, that it was a publicity stunt, and that he loved her.”

“And she realized he was lying?” Bellamy says, “Tonight?”

“No, Raven found out and told her off, she didn’t realize Clarke had no idea their relationship was real. So Clarke ran off, no one knows where, and Raven’s disappeared too. That’s why the outside of our hotel is swarmed right now.”

“That makes more sense. I was wondering why the paparazzi was here.”

“You are downright obtuse Bell.” She said, sitting back down on the sofa, “Why do you care anyways? You said all of Finn’s drama gave you a headache.”

“Yeah, well this particular situation came to my attention recently.” Bellamy said, restoring the saucepan, and checking the time to make sure his chicken wasn’t burning.

“How? Did you see Clarke in the hall or something?” Octavia said, “Cause her manager would really like to know where she is.”

“No, she happened upon me.” Bellamy said, not making eye contact, 

“Let me guess. A supply closet?” Octavia said, 

Bellamy nodded grimly, “Bellamy! You need to stop hooking up with random girls in closets, this has happened before! So that’s why you care? Make sure Clarke doesn’t talk about you and your floozy?”

Bellamy nodded again, not making eye contact. Octavia could always tell when he was lying from his eyes. He wasn’t ashamed of not being straight. He just didn’t think this was a convenient time for it to come out. Right now he couldn’t even sing his own songs, so not sticking the cookie cutter heterosexuality probably wouldn’t be welcome either. He’d do it later. He had time.

“You’re impossible,” She says, “But she was sighted in that private restaurant of the west wing of the hotel, if it means that much to you.”

“Thanks, O.” He presses a quick kiss to her forehead, “You’re the best!” He calls back to her as he leaves the apartment.  
“Good luck getting in, it’s all kinds of exclusive.” Octavia replies,

“I think I’ll manage, and don’t let that burn! It’s our dinner!”

The elevator ride is all he needs to come up with a plan; all he needs to do is get through security and find Clarke. The hostess at the front doesn’t even look up when he walks to her counter, “Are there any tables open?” He asks, looking around to the relatively empty hallway. 

“Reservation or invite only, I can take your name though, if you’re ok for a later table.” She says, still not glancing at him. He knows this trick, just to make him feel like he’s on a list somewhere so he’ll go away.

“Yeah sure, it’s Bellamy Blake.” He says, taking the only shot he has left.

Her head shoots up finally, and she nearly chokes on her breath, “Mr. Blake, I’m sure we can find an empty table, right this away.”

She chatters aimlessly while she leads him to a quiet table in the back, “So that’s for one person? Any allergies, or preferences?” He answers her questions, but keeps his eye out for Clarke.

Once he’s seated, he finally spots her, on the other side of the restaurant she sits, looking slightly less miserable. He stands up and discreetly makes his way to her table, only to be stopped by a fairly beefy looking man, with tattoos down his arms. “I’m sorry, Ms. Griffin is dining alone tonight.”

“I need to ask her something,” Bellamy says, though he knows it’s no use, he sounds like a stalker.

“Sending her a letter or email would be better, or maybe-” the bodyguard is cut off by Clarke herself, “It’s ok, Lincoln, you can let him through.”

Lincoln raises an eyebrow at this, but moves and lets Bellamy sit anyways.

“I assume you want to talk about the closet.” She says sullenly, 

“Yeah, you can’t say anything to anyone.” Bellamy says, 

She squints her eyes, “You’re in that band right? The Delinquents?”

Bellamy nods, “And I don’t need any scandals or anymore paparazzi tracking my every move so, will you keep quiet.”

Clarke says, “Of course. I wasn’t going to out you and… Murphy? Your bandmate?”

Bellamy nods again, “Yeah.”

“I’ll give you some advice though, it’s never gonna work out. If you don’t feel comfortable having your relationship out in the open,” she sniffles, and takes another bite of the huge platter of pasta in front of her, “You probably don’t love her in private.”

Bellamy nodded, “Right. It’s not really like that. Have you talked to anyone else since you saw us? Anyone?”

“Yeah, I talked to Lincoln, but I didn’t say anything, and I saw Raven. Right after. I don’t know what I said, it was all a blur.” She looked to Bellamy apologetically, “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, can you give me her phone number or room number?” Bellamy said,

“I don’t have her number, but her room number is 203. I’m really sorry about this, I know what it’s like to have to keep this kind of secret.”

Bellamy said, “I don’t know if a secret relationship is the same thing as hiding a literal part of yourself.” 

Clarke opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and shrugged, “Yeah, I guess not.”

He left the restaurant as quickly as he came, and the hostess nearly followed him to the elevator to ask if there's was something wrong. He brushed her off, thankful he hadn’t been recognized in the lobby.

The second floor was identical to his own, and 203 was pretty close to where he got off the elevator. He knocked twice before a very tall, very beautiful, and very annoyed Raven Reyes.

“Blake right? If you’re here to tell me he didn’t mean to hurt me, and how sorry he is, you can save your breath.” She started to slam the door shut, when he said “No!”

“What?” Raven said, her jaw clenching, “What else could he possibly say?”

“I’m not here about him. It’s about Clarke.”

She narrowed her eyes, “You were- actually come in.”

He followed her, unsure of how much she knew, when she said, “She was practically raving. How sorry she was, and how she didn’t know we were actually in a relationship. I felt bad for her, and it sounds exactly like something he’d do, so I believed her.”

“And?” Bellamy asked, 

“She said, she happened upon two of Finn’s bandmates making out in the closet, which just confused her more.”

“Yeah. Well, we didn’t realize there was an apologetic miserable popstar roaming the halls and the closet didn’t lock.” Bellamy explained, and Raven just snorted, she led him into the small kitchen of her hotel room. On the table sat a half empty glass of alcohol, probably whiskey, he guessed.

“Well I don’t know Clarke very well, but if you talked to her she probably won’t say anything. She felt stupid already, letting Finn trick her like that.”

“Yeah, I feel a lot better now. Murphy’s still pissed at me though.” Bellamy probably shouldn’t have told her this much, but he’d never had anyone to talk about this with before.

“So you two are together?” Raven said, “Gay?”

“No.” Bellamy frowned for a moment. No one had asked him if he was gay except Murphy that first morning. His answer hadn’t changed. “I’ve hooked up with girls too. Girls mostly, two guys.”

“So you’re bi?” Raven said, before he could answer she asked, “Want a drink?”

“No thanks, I’m underage.” he replied, and Raven smiled.

“That’s so funny, you’re the same age as Finn right?” She asked, and he nodded, “half a year older.”

“I never even thought to ask him. When I met him he was taking shots off a counter so I just assumed he was 21.”

“Finn tells lies without saying anything, I haven’t trusted a thing he’s said since 15.” Raven smiled again, “So should I ask or are you going to?”

He blinks, “Ask what?”

“If you want to stay over tonight after your show?” She says, “I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon for a shoot, and if I have my way I probably won’t come into the same city as Finn and the Delinquents for the next 10 years so . . .”

He swallows, “Sure yeah. Here, I’ll give you my room number,” she hands him a napkin and a pen, and he writes it down. “I’ll pick you up from the show, it’s downstairs right?”

“Yeah, charity event.” He mumbles. Why has he completely lost any chill he ever had, Raven just smiles.

The show goes surprisingly well, Jasper and Monty are late, but Anya told them the show started an hour earlier than it actually does, Finn was talking to some assistant about what college she was attending and he promised to look into performing there soon.

Murphy still wasn’t talking to him, but Bellamy planned to explain how he’d solved everything the next day.

He sung well, and halfway through their set, he saw Raven gracefully and conspicuously make her way to the front row.

Finn grinned widely, and everything clicked in Bellamy’s brain. She was hooking up with him, very visibly in front of Finn. He probably shouldn’t, he thought. Finn was prone to temper tantrums. But he could just imagine the look on his normally snotty little face. 

There wasn’t quite enough time left in their set for Bellamy to figure it out. Jasper wished the audience farewell soon after and somehow Raven made her way backstage to wait for him.

Finn practically darted towards her, and Bellamy nearly followed when he saw Murphy leaning on the wall nearby. He walked over, Murphy rolled his eyes and started to walk away, “Wait!” Bellamy said, “It’s alright. I fixed it.”

“It’s not about that Blake.” Murphy said, “I can’t do your weird thing anymore.” 

“My thing?” Bellamy asked, Murphy’s eyes darted around, “Everytime you get pissed off, you come find me. If I’m not around, you find some blonde. It’s not healthy.”

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy said, “That’s not even what I’m talking about I-”

“Bellamy.” Murphy said suddenly, “I don’t care about that girl seeing right now, I don’t want to do this with you anymore.”

“Fine.” Bellamy said clipped, “You won’t have to deal with me anymore.” He turned on his heel towards Finn and Raven who were loudly arguing, his face was burning and he was already fuming. Murphy called towards him as he left, but didn’t follow him.

“Raven?” Bellamy said, cutting into their conversation, “You ready?” Finn looked at him in confusion, “This is a private conversation, why don’t you go bother someone who cares, Blake.”

Bellamy just smiled at him, and turned back to Raven, “I made a reservation at the restaurant downstairs, our friend told me about it.”

She smiled, “Of course she did.” They turned away from Finn and towards the exit, not letting themselves turn back to look at Finn’s gaping mouth till they got to the door.  
_ _ _ _ _

Finn sat in the hallway, fumbling his way through his contacts, he called the number and it rang three times before a patchy voice responded, “Hello?”

“Hi. This is a verifiable source. I’m sending you pictures right now and I want them plastered on every magazine possible in the next 24 hours.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” He said, “I can’t just-” The pictures sent, and the man was silent. “I’ll do it. How much?”

“Nothing. This isn’t about money. It’s revenge.”


	7. Chapter 7

Bellamy woke up to his phone ringing. He didn’t set an alarm, and he had nowhere to go. Who the hell was bothering him this early? He could see the sun rising! 

Raven wasn’t next to him. She must’ve left last night. On his night stand he saw a little piece of folded paper with a note scribbled on it, “Thanks for this. ㅡRaven.” He sighed, he knew what to expect with her. 

Finally he picked up his phone, it hadn’t stopped buzzing since he woke up. “Google your name.” was the first message he saw, from Anya. 

He muted notifications, and his phone finally sat still in his hands for a moment. Slowly he opened up google, and typed his name. Usually it autocorrected “America’s Got Talent” or “Delinquents”, but now the first result was “pictures” and “gay”. 

He blinks for a moment while the words process and his stomach drops. He clicks on the first result and a picture of himself, shirtless kissing Murphy shows up as the header to an article titled, “Pop star Bellamy Blake outed as gay”. 

He flips through the gallery, and notices only Murphy’s back is visible in any of the photos, they must’ve been pretty old, so he didn’t have any tattoos. If he hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have known it was Murphy.

He can’t look anymore. How did they even get these pictures? This was years ago! This was the night of their AGT win, and the only people allowed on their floor were their bandmates. His jaw hurts because he’s clenching it so hard, he tried to relax as he dials Anya slowly. His hands are shaking. It rings seemingly forever, and he thinks Anya might just be ignoring him when she finally picks up.

“Blake.” She says curtly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bellamy swallows, “It wasn’t anyone’s business.”

Anya sighed deeply, “The second I became your manager, it became my business. How am I supposed to protect you if I don’t know the full picture?”

“I just want… to be normal. Come out on my own terms.”

“You don’t get to be normal!” Anya cried, she paused a moment, “Bellamy. You can’t have secrets this big when you’re famous. You just can’t.”

“How did this even get out?” Bellamy asked, “I mean, only the band was on our floor that night.”

“I have a sneaking suspicion about who it might’ve been.” Anya said, 

“How could you possibly know already?” Bellamy asked,

“Finn left the band last night.” Anya said, “Due to emotional trauma, bad atmosphere and creative differences. He’s already lined up with Kimmel and Fallon throughout the next week to talk about his next steps.”

“How?” Bellamy said, “Why?” 

“You left last night’s concert with a certain Raven Reyes, yes?” Anya said,

“Yes. I did.” Bellamy said slowly,

“I imagine not much happened due to recent revelations, but Finn seems to think otherwise. He had access to your room that night, and strong motive. Plus he’s known to be a conniving little bitch who throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants.”

“First of all, I’m not gay. Second of all, you can’t actually think Finn would out me?”

“Wouldn’t he?” Anya said, “The source is anonymous, but ‘very concerned for Blake’s mental health as the stress and denial he is faced with constantly makes every day for him a battle of unacceptance and depression.’ Are you depressed Bellamy?”

“No.” Bellamy said, “and only three other people knew, two of which found out yesterday, so I guess I don’t know how anyone but Finn could have done it.”

“Exactly. Now I need to contain this, so tell me everything. Who knows, who’ve you hooked up with and most importantly, who is the guy in the photo?”

Bellamy paused, “Raven Reyes, and Clarke Griffin. I hooked up with a 30 something in Vegas two years ago, didn’t know who I was, and I can’t tell you who the guy in the photo was.”

“Whoa. Why the hell does Raven and Clarke know?” Anya said, “And why can’t you tell me who was in the photo?”

“Clarke caught me in a closet making out, with the guy in the picture. She ran off before I could chase after her, and she told Raven. I didn’t exactly appreciate being outed, so I’m sure as hell not going to out him”

“Why were you making out in a closet? Nevermind. The damage is done. You can deny the whole thing, but your face is pretty clear in the picture, and it’ll probably do more harm than good.”

Bellamy sighed, but said, “Yeah. Should I acknowledge it?”

“If someone brings it up. Or if someone asks why Finn left the band, tell them he released private information to the public and lost the bands trust.” Anya said, “I’ve got to go. Lay low. We don’t have any upcoming shows, or charity events. Take some time for yourself.”

Bellamy said goodbye without another word, and got dressed. He looked a lot different that he had in the picture. He was about 6’2 now, he wore nice clothing, and had a watch. His hair was relatively maintained, and he usually had some sort of 5 o’clock shadow going on. Not to mention he was kind of ripped. They’d hooked him up with a personal trainer early on, and he found working out his angry on a punching bag rather that Murphy was more productive and less confusing.

Octavia was only with him for the week while she scouted colleges in the area. She was barely letting him help her pay for college, and promised she return every cent once she was out. He didn’t doubt her for a second, but didn’t care either way.

He was about to go find Octavia, and explain, when he hears a sharp knock at the door. He peeks through to make sure a crazed paparazzi didn’t get through security, and sees a very worried looking Raven outside his door.

“Raven?” He says, as he opens the door, “I thought you were… gone.”

“Yeah. Sorry about the disappearing act. I guess I realized I didn’t think last night through. I had no idea that he’d… do that to you.” Raven says, “I’m so sorry.”

Bellamy shrugs, “It’d come out eventually, excuse the pun.”

Raven laughs, “Have they identified Murphy in that picture yet? You can’t really see him, and he doesn’t have any identifying marks. You on the other hand...” She trails off,

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He rubs his hand down his face, “You can see my full face, and if those sheets were any lower you’d see my ass crack. It’s not looking good for me, but Murphy’s probably in the clear. All I can hope is Finn doesn’t try to play victim and say I hit on him or something.”

“That’s definitely something he’d do.” Raven said, “That’s what he said happened with Clarke. That she was behind the whole thing or something.” 

Bellamy’s about to say something, when he hears another loud knock at the door, he peeks through the peephole and see’s Clarke practically staring him down through the opening. “Bellamy?” She calls, “Are you in there?”

“Speak of the devil.” Raven mutters, and Bellamy sends her a look when he opens the door.

“Bellamy,” Clarke says, “I’m so sorry. I swear to god I didn’t leak it. I’m pretty sure I know who did though, I brought all my notes about it, I stayed up all night and I would have come sooner, but-” She finally steps in the apartment and see’s Raven inside, nearly glowering at her, arms crossed. “Oh, I didn’t realize you had company. I’ll go.”

“No. Stay. Make yourself at home in fact.” Raven says, “It’s what you’re good at.”

Clarke starts to retort, when Bellamy cuts her off, “Can I see the notes? We think it was Finn, but we don’t have any proof.”

“Well according to my research, you could sue him for unlawfully backing out of his contract, which was for five years, and since in the pictures you’re nearly naked and obviously in a sexual position, as a minor it could be counted as child porn.”

“Woah woah,” Bellamy says, “I don’t want to sue him. I definitely don’t want to be in child porn.”

“So what do you want to do?” Clarke says, “And why is she here? Did you two...”

“No.” Raven says, “Well, yes but that’s not why I’m here. I was just reassuring him, as one of four people who knew before the leak, I was not the one who told. Now that that’s done, I’ll be going.”

“Wait.” Bellamy said, “I know you two hate each other or something now, but I think it’s a little unfair.”

“She stole my boyfriend!” Raven cried, and Clarke said, “She’s being a bitch for no reason! I was manipulated! I apologized after she publicly humiliated me!”

“Slow down.” Bellamy said, “You both hate Finn. I do too at this point. The best revenge is living well, and it’s neither of your faults that he manipulated you guys. So why don’t we hang out together calmly and figure out what to do, because I don’t think I’ll be able to leave the hotel without being mauled by paparazzi right now.” 

They all sat down slowly and Raven sighed, “Fine. I guess I can see how he could trick you. He lied to me all the time. To be honest you’re probably not the first time he’s cheated.”

“Thanks.” Clarke said, but a after look from Bellamy she continued, “I’m really sorry I let him control me, and deceive me like that. I know he meant a lot to you.”

Bellamy smiled, “Isn’t that better? We’re all friends now.” Clarke and Raven smile half heartedly, and say nothing. They all sit there a moment when Clarke says, “So when’d you know you were gay?”

“I’m not gay.” Bellamy says,

“Bellamy.” Clarke replied, “I caught you making out with a guy in a closet. A closet.”

“I get the symbolism, but I’m not gay. I like girls too.”

“He’s bi.” Raven supplied, “Shit. You still don’t drink, I forgot.” She’s been eying his kitchen for a while, and she slumped back into her seat.

“Your bi?” Clarke says, he nodded, “I’m bi!” 

He blinked in surprise, “Clarke Griffin, disney princess pop star? Bisexual?”

She nodded happily, “This is so great. I don’t have any gay friends. I mean except..”

“Except who?” Raven says, 

“My ex-girlfriend Lexa. I guess she’s not my friend anymore.” Clarke says, looking past Raven towards the kitchen for a moment.

“Lexa Woods?” Bellamy says, “The supermodel?” He’d known she was a lesbian, but how had he missed Clarke Griffin and her dating? Then again, Raven seemed just as surprised.

“You know Lexa?” Raven said, and Clarke nodded, “She actually told me about Finn cheating. Days ago. Actually the day we met in the lobby, when you..”

Raven looked down at her lap, “I am sorry about that. I was just so mad and I needed someone to blame other than-” She stops short and stays silent for a moment.

“Other than Finn?” Bellamy guesses,

“No.” Clarke says, “Other than herself. It’s ok Raven. He’s the only one at fault. You and I didn’t do a goddamn thing wrong and no one can tell us different.”

“I didn’t realize Disney channel stars could swear,” Bellamy says, Clarke chuckles, “My contract is up in a month. I don’t plan on renewing it, so I don’t care what Disney channel stars can or can’t do.”

Bellamy nods. “I think this might be the end of the Delinquents. I mean Finn was one of the most popular members, if he casts us in a bad light we could lose a huge part of our fan base.”

“If Finn manages to get out alive the next few months, with you, me, and Clarke telling every station that will listen what a douche he is, it’ll be a miracle.” Raven says, “Infact, why don’t we start right now?” She says, whipping out her phone, “Come on guys. Get in close.”

She takes a few pictures of them all together, then a few of Bellamy and Clarke alone after they find a board game deep inside his suitcase. “You’re aren’t going to post those, are you?” Bellamy says.

“Oh hell yes I am.” Raven says back, “This is the closest thing to a fuck you as we can get.” 

Bellamy shrugs. They leave that afternoon, later than any of them thought they would. He even sees Raven and Clarke talking as they walk down the hall together. It makes Anya’s frantic texts about his failure to lay low funny.

Octavia claims she knew all along, and Bellamy says he believes her. His mom never calls and he’s worried she’s mad at him or she’s gone missing again, when Octavia says they talked just last night, and she probably didn’t see any new stations that covered it.

He goes to sleep with the same butterflies that he had last night, but a weight he didn’t realize was even there is definitely lifted off his shoulders.


	8. Chapter 8

The table they all sat at was very long and thick, and Bellamy was thankful for the roadblock between his fist and Finn’s face. 

“My client is uncomfortable in the band. Certain members have been inappropriate with him, and he wishes to bow out.” Finn’s lawyer says, “It’s only six months early, I think a small settlement could easily have this tucked away. Don’t you agree?”

“Surely,” Anya started, “You don’t take me for a fool?”

He opened his mouth to say something, but Anya wasn’t done, “Finn, despite being difficult to work with, is responsible for a third of our fanbase. There is no telling how it’ll split if he leaves.”

Finn smirks to himself, and momentarily makes eye contact with Bellamy, “The band splits in six months anyway. Why does it matter if sales dwindle towards the end?” The lawyer counters, Anya retorts, “It’s not about that. He signed a contract and the clause that you are trying to abuse is there to protect the members from sexual abuse and bullying, not embarrassment.”

“Isn’t it bullying though?” Finn says, “Bellamy broke up my relationship, and rubbed it in my face less than a day later.”

“You screwed up your own relationship Collins, so don’t even try it.” Bellamy said, “And you publicly outed me, so I think you deserved it.”

Finn shrugs, and looks to his lawyer, “It doesn’t matter, this meeting was a formality anyways. Finn Collins’ has left the Delinquents as of now.”

Anya looks like she might argue for a moment, instead she stands up and cordially shakes the lawyer’s hand, and as he and Finn leave, she says, “Collins’,” he turns to look at her, “You’re going to fail, because no matter how talented and attractive you are, no one likes an asshole.”

Finn just smiles, “Bye Anya.”

The ride back to the hotel is silent. Anya might still be pissed at him, or maybe she’s just angry with how the meeting went. Did she really think they’d lose a third of their fanbase without Finn? His stomach turned the longer they went, and he nearly jumped with relief when they pulled up in front of the hotel.

He started to get out of the car, and Anya stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, “Bellamy.” She started, “Lay low. This time for real. We have damage control to do, so don’t post, or tweet or go anywhere. Just watch a movie, talk to Octavia.”

He doesn’t tell her that Octavia goes back to Massachusetts that night, because the fact she didn’t know that meant she was probably extraordinary stressed already. He couldn’t help but feel responsible for her massive headache.

“Yeah, ok.” He nodded in agreement instead, “I’m flying home to LA tomorrow, but other than that you won’t hear a peep from me.”

Anya smiled sadly, “I’m sorry it turned out this way, and how I handled it initially… wasn’t fair to you.” 

Bellamy rested his hand on her shoulder, “It’s ok Anya, I can’t expect you to be superhuman. It was a lot all at once, and I know I was freaking out.”

They didn’t sit there long, and Bellamy went in through the back of the hotel, avoiding the paparazzi camped out front. Anya went through them as a distraction, and by the time they noticed Bellamy wasn’t behind her, they were too late to catch him.

Packing up his hotel room felt a lot different this time. He’d had experiences here. Usually he spent a week at most in any given room, and this stay was a terribly long one in comparison. But he took a little extra time, putting away his thing and folding his clothes, so much so that when he heard a light knock at the door, he assumed it was an assistant telling him he was late for his flight out.

Instead, a grumpy looking Murphy stood in the doorway. He looked so pissed off, it reminded Bellamy of the first time he saw him in their first practice.

“Come inside.” Bellamy said, looking up and down the halls, Murphy shook his head defiantly, “No.”

“If someone sees us a takes a picture, how long do you think it’ll take them to figure out who was in the photos.” Bellamy said, “So are you going to be a stubborn ass and out yourself, or are you coming in?”

Murphy rolled his eyes and stepped in, and said, “Well for one thing, I’m glad we’re talking about it.”

“Talking about what?” Bellamy said, flopping into the oversized armchair and gesturing for Murphy to sit in the one opposite to him. He instead remained standing. “Bellamy, you literally just said it.”

Bellamy blinked, “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“The pictures!” Murphy cried, “I mean it’s one thing to come out, but forcing me out wasn’t cool. It’s a damn miracle they paparazzi didn’t recognize me.”

Bellamy stared at him a moment, “You think… that I published those photos?”

Murphy sighed, “Blake. I don’t want to play any games. There’s six months left on our contract, and I’d prefer them to be as painless as possible. I just wanted you to know how I feel, and give you a chance to apologize.”

Bellamy sat there frozen for another moment, “Murphy. Not only did I not put out those photos, I didn’t know they were taken, till yesterday morning.”

“Who on earth,” Murphy said, “Besides us, knew about our relationship? Unless you’re saying it was that blonde chick you let happen upon us yesterday, or whoever she told?”

“None of them!” Bellamy said, “It was Finn! He’s known the entire time, and has been waiting to hold this over our heads as leverage.”

“So, you’re saying Finn tried to blackmail you?” Murphy said,

“No.” Bellamy muttered, “I pissed him off so much he didn’t care about that, he just wanted payback.”

“This is unbelievable.” Murphy said, “I should go tell him exactly what’s going to-”

“It’s too late.” Bellamy said, “He’s left the band. Besides, he probably has more pictures of us, with your face in the frame. He wasn’t mad at you, he was mad at me.”

Murphy sat a moment seething, “Well, I don’t want him to have any kind of leverage on me!”

“He doesn’t,” Bellamy said, “If he publishes any more photo’s, we’ll sue him for child pornogrphy, breaking and entering, and a few more about taking photos without permission. He knows that, it’s over.”

“But you?” Murphy said, “How come none of that stopped him from publishing the ones of you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he figured if we sued him, he’d just announce it was you in the picture with me.”

Murphy sighed, “I’m leaving tonight, I see you are too.” Bellamy nodded, “But my flight’s not for hours, we could...”

Bellamy looked at him a moment, and he felt 15 again. Murphy stood in front of him, just as attractive, just as vulnerable, maybe even more so. But he shook his head, “You were right. We shouldn’t keep doing this. Especially now that everyone’s eyes are on me.”

Murphy nodded, “I know. I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Bellamy says, he stands up, and hugs Murphy for the first time in a while, “Never be afraid to come out.” He practically whispers in his ear, “Even if I was outed, it was still incredibly freeing.” They stopped hugging and Bellamy laughed, “but give Anya a days notice, or she’ll drop dead of a heart attack.” Murphy smiled, “Bye Blake.” And Bellamy watched as he left.

Somehow, his flight information was leaked and every dumbass with a camera waited for him outside his terminal. He fielded questions, and ignored comments that they yelled at him for nearly 10 minutes and when airport security escorted them out.

His house was exactly the same as he left it, but he was different. He always kept it immaculately clean, and now he almost wanted to find a stain somewhere on his carpet or kitchen counters. Instead of wrecking his apartment, he went to bed.

The executives in charge of the Delinquents really squeezed out every day of the band, till finally six months were almost up, and they could officially announce their split.

He asks Octavia to fly to California, under the guise of visiting colleges, and she agrees, even though she’d never go to college there, as it’s too hot and expensive.

He manages to get his mother to join her for the first time in a while. They show up at his doorstep the night before his contract ends, and he feels like his two worlds collide when his mother walks in.

She sits on the couch stiffly, while Bellamy helps bring in their luggage, “Is she OK?” Bellamy asks Octavia as they roll bags up the driveway. Octavia nods, “She’s not used to flying, or being in a nice big house. She’ll adjust.”

He sets his mom up in the guest bedroom, while he and Octavia sits in the living room with blankets and popcorn, and watch bad movies.

“Wait wait wait, go back!” Octavia calls out, “Jacy Power: Secret Sorceress is free On Demand!” 

“Yeah, and there’s a reason why.” Bellamy says, but scrolls to the old TV show anyways, he looks at the cover picture a moment before exclaiming, “Is that Clarke Griffin?” 

Octavia nods, “Yeah, this was her first show.”

He knew he recognized her from somewhere, they watch a few episodes, and it’s hilariously bad. He’ll have to bring it up to Clarke next time he sees her.

They turn in way too late, and Bellamy’s already dreading his run the next morning. 

When he does wake up, he’s on the couch, across from a snoring Octavia. He changes into shorts and t-shirt, before leaving for a run. The farmer’s market in downtown opened already, so he walks through and buys a few apples, before running home.

As he nears the big house, he can hear a siren getting louder. He picks up his pace, but the needles in his face, and the dropping in his stomach tells him something's wrong.

Outside his house, sit two police cars and an ambulance, flashing lights. Behind his taped up front yard sit a sea of people with cameras waiting silently. For him.

He nears anyways, just in time to see, them wheel someone out in a body bag. In the doorway stands Octavia sobbing into an officer’s arm. He jumps the tape and runs to her, nearly falling to his knees himself, he can hear the clicking of camera’s and cries of paparazzi and reporters, but all he can think of is the emptiness in his heart.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didn't edit this as much as I should have. Sorry.

The grocery store is familiar. He half expects to turn around and see his money loading up the cart with oreo cookies, and a smile that looks just a little guilty. She’d tested positive for heroin and cocaine, her liver was failing because of her addiction and she knew it. The doctor said the last minute trip was to see him, before she killed herself.

Octavia stays at home most days, so he stays with her. He only left so he could get some food. Till now Jasper had been running to the story for them, but he’d had to leave after a month. So now Bellamy stood in his neighborhood Stop and Shop, wearing a ridiculous hat, and dark shades, in an effort to disguise himself and so far he’s only gotten a few strange looks due to his get up. 

Jasper’s the only one who came to the funeral, which is not something he saw coming. Murphy called, Monty sent a card, Finn tweeted something passive aggressive at him a few hours before, and then deleted it later, so they were all trying their best.

He started towards the checkout counter, the one place he was in most danger of being recognized, his face is plastered on every other magazine lining the aisles. Whether it’s about his mother’s tragic death, or being out as gay, or the band splitting up, Bellamy can’t seem to stay out of the tabloids for the life of him. He pauses a moment when he sees Clarke's face next to his on ‘People’, she’s broken up apparently, or maybe her ex wants her back, the captions, ‘heartbroken in Paris’ is difficult to decipher. 

He moves on, and starts unloading his bags on to the conveyor when he locks eyes with the cashier. Bellamy has done his best not to become some asshole rock star, who treats common people like dirt, so he makes an effort to greet everyone, but the old face he looks at stops his hello in his mouth. Roan, formerly a beefy bully, stands in front of him in a Stop and Shop apron and a green baseball hat. He doesn’t look all the different though, aged will, still muscular. Tired though.

“Hi, how can I help you today.” Roan says suddenly, and Bellamy can’t tell if he’s been recognized or not, he could have sworn the other man paused.

“Roan?” He goes out on a limb, “It’s me Bellamy.” His eyebrows furrowed, “I know Blake. I recognized you, but this is my place of work so can we do this somewhere else?”

“Do what?” Bellamy asks, Roan hasn’t stopped his checking him out and hands him a small bag of groceries, “I get off in 5 minutes, wait for me there.”

Bellamy, in a funk does just that. Despite not having seen him in years, Roan still carries an air of authority. He nearly leaves though, since it takes 10 minutes for Roan to come out and Octavia is waiting for him.

“Ok.” Roan says as he approaches, “I’m ready.”

“For what?” Bellamy says, and Roan glares, “Tell me off. Your a big rock star, and I’m a grocer. This is textbook comeuppance.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “I don’t want that Roan. It was a long time ago, I was an easy target, and we were teenagers. I don’t blame you.”

“You don’t blame me?” Roan says, “God dammit Blake. Can’t you do this one thing right?” He shouts, drawing a look from a passerby, Bellamy just raises an eyebrow.

“Ok ok,” Roan says, “I’m sorry, old habits. But it’s not that black and white. I chose you, so know one would know I was you.” Bellamy looks at him in confusion again and Roan clarifies, “I was in the charity program too. Didn’t want anyone to know so I pick on all the other kids for it. You got it worst though, because you worked so many jobs, your mom had a history, and you… well you seemed kind of gay.”

“Gee, I wonder why?” Bellamy says, brushing his hair back with his hand, “So you done?”

“No. I have to tell you why.” Roan says, 

“I thought you just did?”

“That was why I picked you, why you got it worst. But the real reason I made sure no one thought we were anything alike, is because I had a crush on you.”

Bellamy blinks. “What?” he manages to croak out, his throat is suddenly dry.

“I thought you were cute. My friends teased me about being gay first day of school, so I looked around for the first gayish guy I saw and made you the target instead. But you were cute, and kind to everyone even though most of us were terrible to you.”

Bellamy’s still unable to respond.

“When you left, everyone claimed to be your friend, I don’t know why because we were all there while you went to the high school and everyone knew you didn’t have any. I defended you.”

“Why?” Bellamy finally says,

“The last day, when we chased you out of the lot I called you gay for the first time and it actually hurt me. I betrayed myself and my identity for a few dick heads. So I defended you, and got beat up, lost my scholarship. Went to community college, and now I’m looking for a permanent job, working a few odd ones while I wait.” Roan said, “I don’t regret it though. Even if I never saw you again, I figured I was better off poor and happy than rich and depressed.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Bellamy says, “I don’t think about that school much anymore.”

“I know. It was my thing I had to do.” Roan says, “To live with myself.”

Bellamy considers this a moment, and says, “Wanna come with me?” He’ll never know what possessed him to do it, but Roan looked so sad, so defeated, yet proud to have not caved in on his beliefs. If anything he could spend a few hours with him.

But when they got to his apartment, Octavia was gone, left a note. Bellamy didn’t mean to. He really didn’t. Roan was tall though, kind looked like Murphy a little if he squinted, but his eyes were like Clarke’s. He tried to push that thought out of his mind, Clarke was just a friend.

They fell asleep next to each other and Bellamy moved away so Roan couldn’t drape his arm around him. Despite his apologies, he just didn’t feel safe with him. He fell asleep remembering things that happened a lifetime ago, and trying to forget that afternoon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more left

Bellamy wakes up to a scream. Octavia’s. He shoots up out of bed and sees her in the door frame. 

“What is he doing here?” Octavia demands. She’s tall for a 16, and muscular. Intimidating.

“I can explain.” Bellamy starts, “I was at the grocery store and-”

“Shopping for cheap hookups or did you get lost in the high school bully aisle?”

“O, that’s not fair.” Bellamy says, “It’s not like that.” 

Bellamy looks back at his bed, where Roan has somehow put on pants and gotten up as if ready to leave. He brushed by them without another word, and Bellamy refrains from calling him as to not prove Octavia’s point.

“How do you know he wasn’t paid?” Octavia says, “You barely go outside anymore, the paparazzi are getting antsy.”

“They have plenty of tabloid fodder with all the young celeb drama,” Bellamy says, “And do you really think the only way someone might like me is if they were being paid?”

Octavia sputters, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” But Bellamy’s already heading towards the door, “Bel, come back here!” She cries.

“Gotta give the tabloids something else to write about!” He calls back, “Otherwise they might pay you off!”

He walks across the front lawn and feels Octavia watching him from the door, as he stands just on the sidewalk about to cross the road he turns to her and gives her a mock salute, mouth sarcastic, eyes all kinds of angry.

But her face isn’t hurt. It’s in shock, it’s in the middle of another scream, because as he steps just a little more onto the pavement, a car turns the corner without looking, and come barreling towards him.

The last thing Bellamy hears before he falls asleep is a scream. His own.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't as Bellarke packed as it could've been, but I liked the ending and I hope you do to.

Getting hit by a pick up truck is not fun. However, the second worst pain Bellamy’s ever experienced, was Octavia taking care of him for the 7 months after he got hit by a pick up truck. 

He got out of it pretty well all considering, broken leg, concussion, a few stitches across the back of his neck, and his spine is all sorts of fucked. But he can walk again, and his hands didn’t get hurt so there’s that. 

His accident pulled Octavia out of her grief, whether that’s for the best is yet to be determined. He didn’t press charges, despite Octavia’s advice. The driver was a 15 year old boy on his way home from soccer practice, took a wrong turn, was late for something and made a mistake. He’s made mistakes before, and he wishes someone had given him a break.

Jasper and Monty visit him three months out, with chocolate and apologies. Sorry for about the accident, and sorry about not coming sooner. They all have regrets. They leave as quickly as they come though, both busy. Jasper started a solo career, Monty turned to acting. Bellamy feels stuck, stuck in his house and a cast. Stuck in the gated area, where the paparazzi swarmed every entrance for a photo of poor disfigured Bellamy Blake.

He’d seen articles about how he’d been paralyzed, or he can’t sing, or speak. He wishes he had a good reason, like his throat had been crushed, but ever since the accident, he just hadn’t been able to sing a note.

It didn’t stop him from writing though. He wrote song after song, humming maybe, mostly just reciting in his head. He went through two notebooks without speaking much at all. Octavia pretended not to be worried.

Clarke visited him on the last day he needed a cast, with a sunny smile he remembered well but a whole new attitude. Gone was the girl who went to cry in a storage closet. 

They’d been talking for a while now, since he got out of the hospital, but she’d been on tour in Europe till the week before.

She didn’t mention the cast of the accident, instead she thanked him.

“I swear to god I’d be dead right now if it weren’t for you.” She said, they sat on the back porch with lemonade, looking out towards the beach. He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

She laughed, “The media’s damn near split between us right now. On every gossip platform there is, it’s either about your seventh circle, or my drama..” She petered off suddenly

“What is your drama by the way?” He asked, she didn’t reply, “Come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” she said shortly

“If nothing was wrong you wouldn’t be hanging out with a cripple right now.”

“Hey.” She said, “You’re not a cripple. But… fine. Somethings wrong.”

She took another deep sip of lemonade, “Ever since I left Disney, everything’s practically doubled. My social media, my concerts, my income.”

“Afraid of losing it?” Bellamy asked,

“No.” Clarke said, “I’m past that. I stopped surrounding myself with people who make me doubt myself.”

“So?”

“Finn and Lexa.” She says, “They want me back or something. And I know it’s because I’m popular right now, and they weren’t any good for me but...”

“You miss them?” Bellamy asks, 

“A little.” Clarke says, “Finn was my first boyfriend and I’ll never go back because of what he did to Raven.. but he reminds me of a simpler time. And Lexa was my first love. A manipulative self serving bitch. But she loved me. And I could use a little love right now.”

Bellamy smiled sadly, ”It’s ok to miss them. Just remember why you left. Remember why you deserve better.”

Clarke grinned, “I knew I kept you around for a reason.” She hugged him, but checked the time after, “Oh shit. I got to go! I’m late!”

Bellamy stayed on the porch while she walked through the house and out the door, Octavia took her seat not long after.

“How’s it feel brother?” Octavia says,

“How’s what feel?” He replies, looking to her, but she’s fixed her eyes on something in the distance.

“To be in love with a girl who doesn’t know it.”

His head snaps towards the beach and he’s quite a moment, “Just a little worse than getting hit by a pick up truck.”

He goes to sleep hopeful. His cast comes off tomorrow, PT starts next week. He feels new, like maybe this is the turning around point.

He wakes up with a headache, and he slept on his leg weird. The TV is still on when he goes to the kitchen, but it’s muted. He doesn’t react when he sees his own face plastered on the front. He just starts his coffee, in silence.

Till Octavia comes in shortly after, and stops a moment. “Bel?” She says, “Have you seen this?”

He turns to the TV, and she unmutes it.

“Griffin, 18, was seen leaving Blake, 20,’s residence just hours before the Oscars ceremony. Blake couldn’t attend due to a car accident nearly a year ago. An inside source says the two have been seeing each other for awhile but we're taking things slow. Even going as far as to say the reason Clarke hasn’t gotten back together with ex girlfriend, and supermodel Lexa Woods is her relationship with Blake. However, reports Blake is gay came out as early as 2 or 3 years ago with the leak of sensitive photos. Police have recently started looking into the source of those photos as they fall under the protected child pornogrpahy clause. More details are develop-”

Octavia shuts off the TV all of sudden, “You have got to be kidding me.”

Bellamy blinks, “Can’t catch a break can I?”

Without much else to do, they get in the car and drive to the doctor’s office. He quickly cuts off the cast quietly and sends them on their way, but on their way out, he suggests Bellamy check online. 

“I’ve already seen the Clarke Griffin thing, thanks though.”

“No, the paid off guy.” the doctor says, “The grocer?”

The blood rushes the Bellamy’s head instantly and he wants to fucking slam something. Octavia’s waiting for him in the car with her phone in her lap, she sits tensely.

“Go ahead say it.”

“I’m not a child Bellamy.” She replies cooly, “I didn’t want to be right.”

“I told you so. That’s what you’re thinking isn’t it?” Bellamy yells suddenly turning to her. 

“No Bellamy!” Octavia cries back, “I’m thinking how the fuck am I supposed to care about someone who does care about himself?”

“That’s not true.” Bellamy says, “I didn’t fuck him because I hate myself.”

“Then why Bellamy?” Octavia says, “You could have done anything else! Anyone! But you chose your old high school bully! Why? Was it some revenge thing?”

“He wanted me.” Bellamy whispers,

“Bellamy.”

“I know. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic.” He coughs, “Roan approached me. Told me what I wanted to hear, I gave him everything. But this time it wasn’t my lunch money, it was my dignity.”

“I want you. Clarke does. Raven, Jasper, Monty.” She squeezed his shoulder, “You don’t need him. You never did.”

“Can we go home now?” Bellamy says, Octavia just nods and they ride home in silence. He doesn’t need crutches, but his leg is so much lighter without the cast so he walks with a limp. Octavia’s getting something out of her bag, so he walks to the front door with his head towards the ground looking for something he might trip on and he doesn’t see Roan till it’s too late.

“Bellamy.” His head snaps up, he stands there a moment, uselessly.

“How’d you get in?”

“I just want to talk.” Roan says

“Why?” Bellamy says, “Need another payout?”

“I tried to back out. I tried to break the deal but I’d already given him the recordings and the photos.”

Bellamy snaps to attention again, “Who?” 

“I’m trying to say I’m sorry Bellamy.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your half baked guilt ridden apologies you worthless pile of shit. If you want to help in any way whatsoever, you’ll tell me who paid you.”

“Finn Collins.” Roan replied

Octavia sits with him in their living room, Roan had left by then, “Of course. It’s his fucking trademark.”

“What are you talking about Bel?” Octavia asks gently

“He finds dirt on me, holds it till I piss him off and them ban!” Bellamy says, “And he did it again!”

“So what are you gonna do Bellamy?” Octavia asks,

“Piss him off even more.”

Getting the band back together is easier than it seems. Murphy and Jasper have a show in the same area the same week and had been planning to get together anyways, Monty has the month of March off, and Bellamy’s willing to fly out for it, so they all fall into place perfectly.

“It feels wrong to do this without Anya.” Bellamy says, and the other groan.

“Only you’d miss Anya.” Murphy says,

“Anyone missing the other absent member of our band?” Jasper teases, 

“Not even a little.” Bellamy says.

He feels bad. Just a little. The show they did certainly wasn’t small, or under publicized. They made sure Finn would hear about the next morning. The media certainly noticed his absence. 

The song he’d been writing comes out the week after. Maybe having all your secrets exposed freed his soul and let him sing again or maybe he was just being a stubborn ass. Who’s to say?

He shows it to Clarke first. She came out for the reunion show. He played it quietly, feeling nervous for the first time in a while, like suddenly he’d grown accustomed to the enormous stages and now singing in front of one girl was nerve wracking. But Clarke wasn’t just some girl.

“I love it.” she says, “what’s it about?”

“Clarity.” Bellamy says, “Like you’ve been going through life without glasses, holding on to anything that seems stable till it’s not. Then when you finally get past all that bullshit, you kinda see what’s actually there.”

“Oh.” Clarke says,

“What?” Bellamy ask, “Did you think it was about something else?”

“Yeah,” Clarke says uncertainty, “I sorta thought it was about me.”

Bellamy smiles, “Isn’t it?”


End file.
